 They got rules. The first rule is that they don't ever talk about it. The second rule is that it never happens on Serenity. The third rule is no kissin' on the mouth. And the fourth rule is that Mal ain't the captain in bed. ~ It started one night on Persephone. Mal and Jayne got drunk in some dive that actually had decent booze, and it just seemed like sense to get a room upstairs rather than stagger back to Serenity. In the morning, when Mal was nursing a bruised ass along with his hangover, and Jayne was looking in horror at the bite marks on his chest, they blamed each other. That's when the first rule came into effect. "Two people can keep a secret. If one of 'em is dead," Jayne said conversationally. "You ain't going to kill me, Jayne," Mal said, wincing as he pulled on his pants. "Serenity's the best berth you'll get. And much as I'd like to right now, I ain't going to kill you either." Jayne shrugged and that was it. ~ They'd just had a brush with Reavers when it happened again. Reavers being just about the only thing that sent Jayne into a blind panic. They got away by the skin of their teeth, and the adrenaline surge had side effects. "Dammit, Jayne! I was just tryin' to calm you down," Mal said, sprawled face down on Jayne's bunk. "Mmm, worked too." Zoë walked past the hatch to Jayne's cabin, and they both froze. That's when the second rule was silently agreed on. ~ Serenity was back on Persephone not long after. Mal walked into that bar, the one where it all started, and Jayne was already there. They eyed each other a bit; both sober and calm this time. "I ain't lookin' for romance," Jayne said. "Nor me." "I don't kiss." "That works fine." "I got a room, upstairs." There weren't any arguments or accusations in the morning. And Mal had thought to bring some grease to ease things along. The third rule wasn't a problem. ~ They say third time's the charm, and that may be true, but fourth time was a pissing contest. "I think it's time I got a piece of your ass, Jayne." Mal slipped under the twenty or so blankets keeping them from freezing on this gou tsao de moon. "Ain't happening, Mal. I don't do it that way." Jayne pushed Mal down and pulled the blankets over them. "Jien tah-duh gway, hwoon dahn!" "Quit wrigglin', Mal. I know you want it like this. That wasn't you screaming 'fuck me harder, Jayne' back on 'sephone?" "That ain't the fuckin' point, Jayne." "Yeah, it is. You like it like this, I don't. You ain't the captain in my bed. Now are you goin' to roll over, or are we goin' back out in the snow to find Serenity?" It took a moment's thought on Mal's part, but rule four was born that day. ~ So they got their rules, and it makes life slip along real easy.
And if they make planetfall a little more regular than they used to, best
not to mention it.
gou tsao de - dog-humpin' Jien tah-duh gway, hwoon dahn – Like Hell, you son of a bitch
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