"It's a clementine.  You want me to gag you with a clementine while I fuck you?"  Duncan sat on the bed and gaped at Methos.

"Actually, it's a satsuma.  Clementines have harder peel and a more perfumed flavour.  I suppose clementines are slightly more Christmassy, but I prefer satsumas."

Duncan shook his head.  "The type of fruit is irrelevant."

Methos held up one finger, interrupting Duncan.  "On the contrary, clementines are harder, which makes them much more difficult to choke on."

"Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

Methos grinned cheerfully.  "That all depends on how much you're into erotic asphyxiation."

Duncan groaned and flopped back on the pillows, throwing one arm over his eyes.  Methos's request for his Christmas present to take the form of a weekend of sensual exploration had seemed like a very good idea at first.  The timing was right, after what felt like years of flirting.  And they'd both thoroughly enjoyed the last 36 hours.  Duncan had certainly appreciated being the recipient of five thousand years of sexual expertise.  But Methos' suggestions on what to do next had started getting more and more bizarre, and not in the spanking and bondage ways Duncan had been expecting.

"What's wrong MacLeod?  Never fucked anyone to death before?"

"Methos!"

"Ha!  You haven't.  I'm surprised: you've slept with almost every Immortal still alive.  How did you miss out on that?"

Duncan lifted his elbow and peered at Methos, who was grinning happily.  "You make it sound like everyone does it."

"Well, everyone tries it at one point or another.  It's not as popular as overdosing, but more popular than sword-fucking."

"Sword fucking?  No… don't tell me, I don't think I want to know."  Duncan hid his face again.

Methos' voice turned reminiscent.  "The first time for me was an accident.  I knocked a bowl of kumquats onto the bed and inhaled sharply.  I came so hard I thought I was going to die.  Which I then did, of course." 

Duncan thought about that for a moment, then burst out laughing.  He propped himself up on his elbows and watched Methos calmly picking the cherries out of a slice of fruitcake.  "And now you've graduated from kumquats onto clementines?"

"Satsumas.  And I had to really; do you have any idea how hard it is to get a kumquat back out?  The little bastards get wedged down there and you need implements to remove them.  Really just too much trouble."

"You could knot a string through them?"

Methos snorted.  "Oh yes, string is just so sexy…"

"Unlike choking to death on citrus fruit, of course."

"Of course." 

Duncan picked up a satsuma and studied it.  For a moment he considered peeling and eating it to remove the temptation, but eventually his curious side won out.  "I suppose timing is critical?"

Methos threw the cake over the side of the bed and climbed onto Duncan.  "My dear MacLeod, as with all things, timing is everything."