slut!Harper muse: I’m ba-ack!

Me: Oh… joy.

H: You didn’t miss me?

M: Not really.  What did you do with the innocent!Harper muse?

H: Uhm… I may have left him at Rivier’s place.  Um… look, I brought you a present! 

M: Kiwi flavoured lube.  Nice distraction technique, but it’s not going to work.  You left the innocent!Harper muse at Riv’s place?

H: Oh c’mon, you never use him anyway.  He spends all his time cowering under the drier.  He’ll be happier there.  Riv calls him Niblet and pets him.  It’s cute.  Um, until she unleashes the Vikings on him…

M: *sigh* I’ll miss the little guy’s whimpering.

H: Yeah yeah, where’s pouty!Tyr?  We haven’t had a sex scene for five weeks and I’m feeling in need of some whimpering myself.

M: I thought he was with you.  I kicked him and reluctant!Dylan out three weeks ago.  Last I saw they were doing the Iolaus muse in the garden.

H: You don’t think… they’ve been doing each other, do you?

M: Uhm, I dunno.  I mostly cleared the muses out.  There might have been a few slutty bottom muses around somewhere.  I seem to have acquired a host of generic hobbit muses.

H: Hobbits?  Wow, muses even smaller and cuter than me!  I could be a top for once!  If I do the puppy eyes, would you do a crossover?

M: GAH!  No!

H: *prancing about*  Look at me!  I’m an Elf, prancing over the snow, looking for a nice warm Hobbit-hole!

M: If you don’t shut up right now, I’m going to go find the seductive!Snape muse and have him turn you into a throw pillow or a kumquat or something.

H: Yeah, right.  You’d never do anything bad to me, you love me really.

M: Heh, lets see… oh yes.  EvilTyr fic.  Angst.  Time for you to sob helplessly in the shower, I think.

H: Gah!  Can’t you use the innocent!Harper muse for that… oh shit.

M: See, this is what happens when you eliminate the competition.

H: Oh well, at least I’ll be naked and wet.