I stared down at the book I'd bought Blair for Christmas, and it suddenly seemed... stupid. I mean, I knew it wasn't stupid: it was a great gift. A book I'd heard him mentioning was out of print and hard to find. It had taken some time and money, but I'd found it, and I knew Blair would be thrilled with it.

It was a thoughtful gift. A personal gift. A gift that said 'I care about you'. A gift carefully chosen to be loving without being intimate. Rather like our lives. Like The Thing We Do Not Talk About.

I'm not sure when I grew comfortable with being uncomfortable. It was what I'd wanted at the start, lying in bed in the morning, guiltily sweating, as I listened to him jerk off in the shower. These days I still sweated, but the guilt wasn't there. I was used to it. I was used to pretending to ignore the way he looked at me, and pretending that the way I touched him was platonic. Was this what the rest of my life was going to be like? Were we going to live in this rut forever?

The idea of spending the rest of my life not fucking Blair was suddenly too horrible to contemplate. It was time to do something.

~

We spent Christmas day with my brother. It was the first Christmas I'd spent with Stephen since we were kids, and it felt weird, but in a good way. I gave Blair the book, and I swear, he squealed like a girl. Later, in the kitchen, Stephen tried to ask me if we were together, and I pretended to misunderstand him. He still had an irritation line marring his forehead when we left.

"So what did you do to piss off your brother?" Blair said, as I drove us home.

"I ate all the broccoli. He loves broccoli." I couldn't help grinning.

"Yeah, right. He went into the kitchen twitchy, and came back annoyed. Was it some brother thing?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Which was Sandburg/Ellison code for 'This is one of those Things We Don't Talk About'.

"Right." He studied me in the dark. "You okay?"

I grinned wider and glanced over at him. "Just fine, Sandburg."

"Uh huh." He looked a little spooked.

The loft was warm and dark when we got back. I threw my keys into the bowl beside the door and fingered the little box in my pocket.

"Beer?" Blair asked, reaching for the fridge.

"No thanks," I said, "I have another present for you."

He gave me a look. "Another one? 'Cause the book is great. I don't think you'll ever be able to top that."

I'd had a plan on how I'd do this, but events just seemed to go their own way. Considering the fact that Blair came into my life to help me learn control, it was amazing how much less control I had over everything other than my senses. I didn't seem to miss it much either. I grinned and threw the box to him. I think I pulled off the casual look; thank God he couldn't hear my heartbeat.

He was puzzled for a moment, fumbling for the box, then he got this sort of half-smile on his face, like he'd figured out that it was probably a gag gift, but didn't want to spoil the joke. The smile vanished, and his eyes got very big once he opened the box though.

"Oh." A very quiet sound.

Casual had left the building. "Wear it for me." I said.

Blair's eyes flicked up to mine, then back down at the box. He carefully put it down on the kitchen worktop, and pulled off his sweater. I just stood and watched, and tried not to have a coronary. The shirt came next, then the tee. He was throwing his clothes on the floor, although I didn't actually notice that until the next day. Finally his undershirt came off. Slowly. I don't know if it was just nerves, or he was teasing me intentionally, but when I think back, it seemed like that simple act lasted half the night.

He had a small gold hoop through his left nipple, and as he unfastened it, his nipple got hard. I remember licking my lips, and Blair's breath catching. I've never seen him blush with embarrassment, but his neck was getting pink, and I could see the way his jeans were getting pushed out of shape at the crotch. He put the hoop down and picked up the box.

"Are you sure about this?" He looked me right in the eye. "It's not too late to back out."

"I'm sure. You can close the box back up again if you want, but I'm sure." And I was. I'd had enough of dancing around our attraction.

"This changes a lot of stuff, Jim. It's not just about sex."

"I know." We both knew the implications of him accepting the contents of the box. He'd probably give me some lecture on the significance of jewellery exchange as part of bonding and marriage ceremonies at some point, but right now he was more focused on lifting my present out of the box.

I hadn't known exactly what I was looking for until I saw it. I'd wandered around aimlessly until a window display had caught my eye. I'd thought it was silver at first, until I noticed the label saying 'titanium jewellery'. I don't know much about metallurgy, but I know that titanium is very strong. It seemed appropriate. As did its shape: a barbell, two opposite and equal ends.

Blair's hands weren't shaking as he unscrewed one end. Mine were, but I had them hidden behind my back so he wouldn't see. He hissed as he threaded it through his nipple.

"Uh... sensitive," he said.

"I know." Of course I knew. I probably knew a lot more about his body than he realised.

Still, with steady hands, he fastened the end back on, then looked up at me and smiled.

"Upstairs," I said, a lot hoarser than I'd intended. Blair's eyes widened and he swayed, unsure whether he should come toward me or the stairs.

"Upstairs, Blair. I swear, if you touch me now we'll do it on the floor right here, and I'm way too old to fuck on a hard surface."

That decided it and he moved quickly towards the stairs. About halfway up I heard the button on his jeans pop open, and the zipper slide down. "Oh man, that's better," Blair said, as he reached the top. I took a couple of deep breaths and followed him.

By the time I got to the top of the stairs Blair was sprawled naked across my bed. Completely naked. Naked and impressively erect. Every fantasy I'd had for the last three years was suddenly within my reach. I could roll him over and fuck him, or suck his cock until he screamed, or just lay him back and taste every inch of his body. Blair's own actions made my decision for me: he reached up and tugged on my present.

Yes, I'd start there.

"Jeeze, Jim. At least take your jacket off."

I looked down and laughed. I hadn't even noticed I was still wrapped up for the December weather. I tugged the scarf from around my neck and tossed it over the side of the balcony, then shrugged out of my jacket, leaving it on the floor.

"Wow, now I know things are serious," Blair said, still toying with the barbell. "Jim Ellison throwing stuff on the floor. Should I expect a rain of toads next?"

"Shut up, Sandburg," I said as I climbed onto the bed. I'd intended to lean over and kiss him, but he didn't wait. He grabbed me and laid one on me. He was a lot clumsier than I'd been expecting, considering his vast experience, but things smoothed out fast once we were both lying down. Those cushy lips of his were just as soft as they looked, but it wasn't like kissing a woman at all. The kissing was great, but I had a different target in mind, so I pushed his shoulders down and pulled back.

"What... uh... fuck!" Blair arched his back and gasped as I ran my tongue over his nipple. "You… know that's sensitive. Really sensitive, right? Oh man. Like, I'm not going to be good for much else if you keep doing that, type of sensitive."

"Yeah, Sandburg, I know." And I sucked the whole thing, nipple and barbell into my mouth.

Despite his protests he wasn't quite as hair-trigger as all that. I pushed my tongue under one side of the barbell and sucked the whole thing sideways, then turned the little ball at the end so the post rotated inside his nipple. I pinned down his left leg with my own; it had been flailing around like it was connected somehow.

"Oh yeah. Hold me down." Blair moaned, so I did. I pinned him to the bed and kept sucking and tugging on his nipple with my mouth. Sex was just flooding my senses, like I'd never experienced before. I had to make him come; it was an urge even stronger than my own need to come. Losing patience, I reached down to stroke him, but he yelled with the first touch of my hand and came in three quick bursts.

I almost zoned on the smell. The only thing that kept me aware of where I was was the sound of Blair's heartbeat drumming much faster than I was used to hearing it. Then all the air left my lungs as Blair flipped me onto my back.

"Sorry, I didn't think it would be that easy," Blair said as I gasped some air back and glared at him. "Now… what am I going to do to you?"

I spread my arms out and relaxed. "Whatever you want. Go to town."

Laughing, Blair pulled my sweater off as I tried to wriggle out of my pants. It took far too long to get naked, mainly because Blair kept cracking up, and I was horny-stupid, but we finally managed it. Blair sat back on his heels and tipped his head to one side.

"Too many options, you know?"

"Right now I don't care, just pick something, as long as it's fast." I was starting to hurt.

"Dial up touch," Blair said. "Not so far it'll hurt, just until you feel everything."

I concentrated until the sheets under me stopped feeling like cotton and started to feel like soft sand. "Okay."

And then he leaned over and shook his hair over my cock.

"Christ!" It felt like… well, like hair mainly, but it was also like thousands of little fingers sliding around all over my cock. I looked down and there was my cock buried in all that thick curly hair and I just lost it. Completely.

~

The smell of eggnog woke me up. I was lying on my back on the bed, and the mess on my stomach was still sticky, so I hadn't been asleep long. "Sandburg, what the Hell are you doing?"

"Hey, you're awake! Blair's voice floated up from the kitchen. I was worried I'd killed you or something for a while there. Until you started snoring."

"I don't snore." I know I don't snore. Weird noises wake me up; I'd have noticed if I snore.

"Yeah, right." Blair laughed.

"Why are you down there instead of up here?" I felt happy and sleepy; content at last, now that I'd finally taken that step forward. And all I wanted to do was curl around Blair and fall back to sleep.

"Warming up the eggnog."

"Why?"

Blair's evil laughter let me know sleep wasn't going to be on the agenda any time soon. And I didn't mind at all.

The End