The guest of honor was sitting happily at a round table, plates of food and jugs of wine in front of him, exactly the place where Iolaus was most relaxed and comfortable. It was even better today because all of the people gathered were here to remind him that he was an immortal; or as Hercules liked to think of it, still an immortal.

Hercules looked around the great hall of Hades' palace and thought, good turnout this year. Once a year, Hades had a big party to celebrate the anniversary of Iolaus' achieving immortality. Hercules was never sure if it was because the God of the Underworld was genuinely pleased that Iolaus was now officially an immortal hero or just because it meant that the god didn't have to deal with the in and out processing of Iolaus again.

Because the party was held by Hades himself, anyone was invited, living or dead, whether in the Asphodel Plains, the Elysian Fields or Tartarus; if they were a friend of Iolaus', they were welcome. Even if they weren't necessarily a friend, if there was still a connection, they could come. Hercules could see Strife chatting up Iolaus' father over in the corner. Skouros had a look on his face that was both revolted and fascinated. Hercules could well understand why.

Ares was there, sitting next to Iolaus with Cupid, Iphicles, and Hephaestus around the opposite side. There was an empty chair next to Iolaus so Hercules took it.

Everyone nodded to him, although Hercules noticed Hephaestus had a peculiarly intense _expression on his face for no apparent reason.

"Hello, Uncle Hercules," chirped Cupid, sounding as if he had been enjoying the fruits of Dionysus' labors a little too much. "We were jus' talking about the mos' embarrassing thing that ever happened to us." The god winked. "Sex-wise, that is. Dad was about to tell us about the time Mom got mad at him and made him hot for this huge. . ."

Before Cupid could finish the sentence, Ares reached out and grabbed a handful of his son's wings. "Say one more word," Ares said, sounding very calm, which meant he was very angry, "And I'll tell everyone about the chickens."

Cupid's eyes went wide. "You wouldn't." He sighed, pulling away from Ares.

"You would."

"Yes, I would."

"Oh, yeah," breathed Hephaestus, his eyes drooping closed, as he shuddered.

Hercules was puzzled by that reaction until he felt a hand brush his thigh. Lifting up the edge of the tablecloth, he saw his half sister, on her knees, a big smile on her face.

"Aphrodite!"

"Hi, Herkie," she said cheerfully, reaching for the buttons of his trousers.

He swatted her hands away. "No, thank you. I appreciate the offer but, no."

Aphrodite gave him a pouting frown, which passed quickly when Iolaus said, "No objections here."

"Hey," said Cupid. "It was your turn to tell your most embarrassing story."

"Let Hercules tell his." Iolaus' hands were under the edge of the tablecloth and he looked, as well as sounded, distracted. "I'll go next."

"Him?" Ares snorted, folding his arms. "What embarrassing sex story could he possibly have? The time his wife wanted to go on top?"

It was Iphicles who answered. "Nope. I bet I know which story Iolaus had in mind, since we were all there."

"All?" Ares raised an eyebrow at Iphicles, who grinned and nodded. "All right, this sounds better than I thought." He gestured with one hand. "Proceed."

"Great," sighed Hercules, shooting Iolaus a dirty look. Iolaus' eyes were closed, he was gripping the table edge tightly and biting his lip, completely unaware of the conversation. "Well, it happened like this. .."

***
Written by Amorette

Hercules moaned as he came, clutching at the straw underneath him. Iolaus sat back on his heels, staring at his friend's cock, still rock hard even as the last spurts trickled out.

"You know," said Iolaus, sighing, "Someday this will probably strike us as funny."

Hercules glared at Iolaus. He wrapped his hand around his cock and started to stroke it vigorously. "I don't think it's . . .uh. . .funny. I think it's . . .embarrassing."

Iolaus shrugged as he sat back gingerly on the blanket, wincing a little as he did so. "It was fun at first but I have to admit. . .I've had it, Herc I'm sorry but I am about to drop." He looked down at his own penis. "Or maybe it will just drop off."

"This is so. . ." gasped Hercules between clenched teeth as he pulled at his cock, "annoying." He shuddered and a few drops oozed out but his erection didn't change. He slumped back against the wall, staring miserably at himself.

"How many times is that?" Iolaus asked, handing his friend a waterskin. "I lost count after six."

"Nine." Hercules slapped at his cock, which waved happily back at him. "Nine fucking times and I still feel as if I haven't gotten off in days."

"Not nine fucking times." Iolaus grinned. "You only came three times while fucking me. Three times when I was sucking you, twice when I was fucking you and just now. So only, depending on how you count, three or maybe five fucking times."

Hercules sneered at Iolaus, then glared at his cock. "Thank you, professor." He grabbed his cock again and started tugging at it, a look of grim determination on his face. "And thank you, Zeus," he muttered through clenched teeth.

Iolaus lay back, admiring the view. He liked the way Hercules looked, all his muscles tense, his head back, biting his lower lip, skin flushed and sweat slick, as he pleasured himself. Granted, Hercules really was suffering but Iolaus had to admit, he was kind of enjoying it, even if he was fucked to a frazzle himself. Or not. He glanced down at his penis as the glans started to poke out and have a look around. There was something about a sweating half god jerking off that Iolaus' dick liked.

"Hey, Hercules. . ."

Hercules froze, hands wrapped around his cock, as the door to the barn swung open and in walked Iphicles. There was a brief second while Hercules hoped that his older brother's eyes were blinded by the sunlight outside and he couldn't see the two naked adolescents in the straw but that quickly
passed. For one thing, it was an overcast day.

"Well, well," said Iphicles cheerfully, giving Hercules a broad smile. "So this is where you disappeared to. Hello, Iolaus. Not surprised to see you either. Although how come you're over there and poor Herc is having to do himself over here is puzzling."

While Hercules was grateful that his erection wilted a little under his brother's gaze, he was still hoping the earth would split open and he would fall into a deep, dark pit right about. . .now.

"It won't go down." Iolaus pointed at Hercules. "He's come nine times since noon and he's still hard. I've tried everything I know. . ."

Iphicles laughed at that but Iolaus continued placidly.

"And he's been reduced to Mother Thumb and her Four Daughters."

Hercules had his eyes closed. As a small child, he had believed, like all small children, that what he couldn't see wasn't there. He rather hoped it might work now but it didn't. Instead, he flinched as he felt hand brush his hair back. He knew it wasn't Iolaus. The hand was too big, and he could smell the horse sweat and leather that he associated with his brother, not his lover.

Iphicles voice was soft as he said, "I guess I can't really call you my little brother anymore."

Hercules opened his eyes and saw his brother was kneeling next to him, a kind smile on Iphicles' beautiful lips. As the astonished boy watched, his older brother began to unfasten the knots that held Iphicles' tunic closed. Without conscious thought, Hercules' hand began to move again, this time in a slow slide and squeeze, as he watched Iphicles undress.

Iphicles was beautiful. Hercules had always envied his older brother. When they were boys, Hercules was gawky and awkward, with an angular face, big teeth and straight brown hair. Iphicles had somehow missed that awkward stage. His body had filled out without ever going through that falling over itself phase. His full lips and upturned nose had been adorable when he was young, turning to handsome as he grew older. His hair, bright copper when he was a boy, had deepened to a rich auburn. and now, as he pulled his trousers down, Hercules had another reason to envy his brother.

Obeying the hand pressing against the back of his head, Hercules rose to his knees. He closed his eyes, opened his mouth and let his brother kiss him. He moaned as Iphicles tongue slid into his mouth, his brother's other hand sliding down to cup a buttock and pull them close together, until their cocks met.

Somewhere in the distance, he heard Iolaus groan and say, "This is so hot!"

Forgetting his strength, Hercules pushed Iphicles back into the straw, desperately trying to taste and feel all of Iphicles at once. His hands grabbed at Iphicles' shoulders and started to kiss his brother's face.

"Calm down," whispered Iphicles. "Take your time, Hercules."

"The impatience of youth," said Iolaus from just behind Hercules. He felt his lover's hands run down his spine.

Hercules was thrusting against his brother, his cock screaming its need for release. He was panting and whimpering, ashamed at his neediness, at the tears in his eyes. Iphicles, however, just kept running his hands over Hercules' shoulders, complimenting the stroking Iolaus was doing over his back and buttocks.

"Shhh," whispered Iphicles, kissing the tears that were sliding down Hercules' cheeks. "It's all right, baby, it's all right. Shhhh."

The soft voice, the gentle massage, slowly worked on Hercules and he relaxed, lying over Iphicles, his face buried in his brother's soft, shining hair.

"What do you want, baby?" asked Iphicles, never pausing in his gentle caresses. "What do you need?"

"I. . ." Hercules gulped and tried again, his voice suddenly weak and childlike. "I want to taste you."

Iphicles put his hands on either side of Hercules' face and lifted his brother up. "Look at me, Hercules." Hercules opened his eyes and found himself staring into Iphicles' eyes, wondering if he could just fall into them and find the love and peace he so desperately needed. "I want to taste you, too. Here."

Gently, Iphicles showed Hercules what he wanted. Hercules sat back a little so his brother could turn around. As soon as Iphicles was in position, he reached up, wrapped his hands around Hercules' waist, and pulled him down.

"You taste me," commanded Iphicles, with a swipe of his tongue across Hercules' balls, "And I'll taste you."

With a gasping sob, Hercules bent and took Iphicles' cock in his mouth. As he did, he felt his brother's soft lips embrace his length. To make it even more exquisite, he felt Iolaus begin to explore his ass and he knew, soon but not soon enough, Iolaus would be fucking him again.

It was the most incredible erotic experience Hercules had ever had. If he were not the son of Zeus and if he had not already come so many times already, he would have come the instant he felt Iphicles' tongue. As it was, he moaning as he sucked Iphicles, relishing the musky tang of his brother's cock, even as his brother used an expert touch on him. Iolaus was behind him, pushing slowly into his ass.

He didn't think he could stand it. He thought he would explode, his heart, his cock, some part of him, but he didn't. He just spiraled up on waves of pleasure, Iphicles cock warm in his mouth, Iphicles mouth hot on his cock, Iolaus' cock burning in his ass. Hercules knew that when he came this time, it would be the best orgasm he had ever had and it would finally satisfy him. He felt it coming, working up from the strokes Iolaus was pumping into him, from his balls, which Iphicles was massaging, from his cock, which Iphicles was sucking hard and fast, from his mouth, which he raised from Iphicles' cock to scream his ecstasy.

"Boys?" The door swung open and Hercules found himself staring at his mother.

* * *
Ares was laughing so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. Cupid, who had been stroking himself as Hercules and Iphicles described the scene, moaned in disappointment. Iolaus, who hadn't been paying the slightest attention to anything but what Aphrodite was doing under the table, gasped and slumped forward.

"So," wheezed the God of War, wiping his eyes, "Did you come?"

"Oh, yeah," sighed Hercules in answer. "Ever been startled right on the edge? I came like nobody's business."

"So did I," said Iphicles, chuckling. I didn't know what had happened until I heard Herc say, "mom," in this horrified voice and then I started shooting in shock myself. Good old Iolaus . ." Iphicles nudged good old Iolaus, who was having a chat with Aphrodite under the tablecloth, "just kept fucking away."

Hercules looked grimly at Ares, who was still laughing. "Imagine Hera coming in as you were fucking, say, Dionysus. How would you react?"

Ares shuddered, his chuckles dying out except for the occasional hiccup. "Probably about the same way. So, what did Alcmene do when she caught the three of you?"

Hercules shook his head. Iphicles, patting his brother on the arm, said, "She just shook her head, said, "boys will boys," and left. And then Iolaus started complaining that Herc was trying to pull away from before Iolaus had his turn."

Cupid grinned, as Iolaus slipped under the table. "That's what I like about Iolaus. He has his priorities."

"Which reminds me," said Ares. "It's his turn. Get out from under there, you pervert, and tell us about the worst sex you ever had."

* * * *

Written by Janet Jaeger
 

"That was a good one Herc," Iolaus added. "But it was just embarrassing, not bad sex."

"Yea, how could you call doing the old LXIX with Iphy, bad sex?" Ares commented.

"Wish old Zeus would give me a constant hard on," Strife whined.

"Me, too." Hephaestus seconded. "If you want bad sex, I can tell you about bad sex."

"Sure go ahead, just keep it short." Iolaus really didn't want to hear another of Heph's brooding tales but realized that the more gods who decided to put their two cents into the discussion, the longer he could wait before he had to tell the group that he didn't have a story to tell.

"Fine. It's really not a long story, unless you want me to go into detail about the devices I created."

Hercules grabbed for a mug of ale. He was quite sure that he didn't want to have any details about Heph's devices, just knowing it was a story about "that" kind of sex was enough to bother him a bit. But then, he had had gone first, got the ball rolling, fired them up, primed the pump, set the standard. . . .

* * * *

"As you know, it was sort of known around Greece that I was into kinky things. I've always loved to combine my metal-craft and leather-craft with sex."

"Yea, he's the man who invented the 'clip on nipple ring'." Strife muttered under his breath.

"If I remember right, my leather briefs with built in butt plug kept you howling all night, so 'shut up, Strife'."

"Yea, shut up Strife." Iolaus muttered.

"I was very popular with men of a certain persuasion. In fact most of them didn't have to be persuaded at all . . . if you know what I mean." Nods all around. "But I had always wanted to see how a woman would react to such a session. Just call me experimental. Anyway one night in this tavern this really nice looking young lady came over and stood beside me. It was quite obvious that she knew who I was and what I liked to do, and she was interested, very interested.

"She was a babe. Long dark hair, blue eyes, dressed in leather and armor."

"It wasn't, Xena, was it?" Ares asked. "Please tell me it wasn't Xena. Please tell me she wasn't into such things. Why hadn't I tried them with her? I tried everything else." The god of war seemed almost on the edge of tears. How much wine had he had tonight?

"No, it wasn't Xena. It was some chick called Narci. Anyway she kept asking questions about stories she had heard involving my sessions and my special equipment. You know it is always flattering when people ask questions about your craft. She seemed really interested in the "relinquishment of self" aspects of the whole scene. Much more interested in the spiritual aspects than the sex. That bothered me a little, because the 'complete surrender' I was interested in wasn't spiritual at all."

"I told her I would have to work on it for a while, because some of my 'items' would have to be downsized for a woman. We seemed to agree that what she wanted was to have to remain perfectly still during periods of extreme excitement, so I would construct some aids to help her do that. . . .

"I don't think we need the technical aspects of what you designed. Most of us, I am sure, have encountered your fun little toys like the 'Minoan penis trap.' We can imagine." Ares commented.

"Minoan penis trap?" Strife muttered.

"Anyway, I had a lot of leather and chain stuff. I decided since I didn't want to risk any permanent injury that a lot of stuff had to be psychological. So I blindfolded and gagged her. Then as I dressed her and adorned her with my jewelry she could try to figure out what each piece was supposed to do.

"For example, I had these chains that attached through her earlobes and her nipples. I told her when I strung them up that if she moved her head at all it would rip through the end of her nipple or the lobe of her ear. They weren't really hooked to each other, but she didn't know that. I have never seen someone sit so still. I sat her on this black leather blanket and spread her legs apart. I placed candles all along the inside of her thighs and slowly lit them one by one."

"This is bad sex, Heph? Why haven't you ever tried this with me?" Iphicles was hanging on the edge of the table. He really liked candles.

"She did look really beautiful. I was amazed at how submissive she had become. I really didn't think she would be able to hold still for that long. I kept adding little weights and little pieces of leather. Gauntlets, a collar, these high-heeled boots that held her toes almost straight out. . .

"Plus all that warmth from those candles, burning inside so close to her. .. "

"Shut up Iph, you are almost as bad as Strife." Ares commented. "Speaking of which."

"He wiggled out under the table and said something about . . . well you can guess what he is doing right now." Iolaus said.

"We should consider ourselves fortunate that he had the good sense to remove himself from our company. . ."

"Shut up, Herc."

"I kept looking at the picture. She was as close to total submission as I could remember. I hadn't really hurt her or threatened her; it was all in her mind. She knew I was her master. I kept thinking about how beautiful she looked especially her snatch in the candlelight. . . damn I sound like Iphy now ,don't I . . . but it was all about setting a spell. I figured that when I shared this whole thing with her she would melt like so much butter. My dick was getting hard just thinking about it. I got this huge mirror and sat it in front of her. I told her that I was going to show her how beautiful she was, how beautiful it was to submit . . . . I took off her blindfold and she had this look on her face. It was a combination of amazement and disbelief with a good shot of terror thrown in. I was never so proud of my work as I was that day. I think I was babbling about like I am now. I took off the gag and expected her to say something profound . . . After all I am a god."

"What did she say?" Ares asked. He realized that since this was a bad sex story, it had to have been something really stupid.

"She said, 'look how fat my thighs are!' I could have killed her. All that work. All that set up and all she can think about is not how hot and . . . . all she could think about were her fucking thighs."

"Women!" Cupid muttered.

Iolaus smiled. Usually when women commented about the state of their thighs he just slowly massaged him or licked them. It usually worked to distract them.

"Well, were they fat?" Iphy asked.

"That, my royal friend, is why I never tried this 'scene' with you." Hephaestus commented.

"Narci . . ." Hercules muttered. "I think I know that name from somewhere."

* * * *

Written by Moonloon

Ares took a mouthful of wine. Suddenly everyone within a four foot radius was soaked and aurally abused by the sound of Ares yelling, "STRIFE!!!!"

"Ow, Ares. What’s wrong?" Hercules asked, wiping at the red stains decorating his vest.

Ares was red in the face and choking as a small green frog hopped out of his goblet. Iolaus snickered and stuffed a napkin in his mouth as Ares glared at him.

"Where’s Strife?" Ares bellowed, his eyes scanning the room. A nervous giggle escaped from behind a wall hanging and Ares jumped up and dragged Strife out. "If you weren’t already dead, I’d kill you, you little weasel. You’re next."

"Next what?"

"Bad sex? Remember? We’re all telling bad sex stories and it’s your turn." Ares threw Strife into a chair. "I’m sure you have plenty to choose from."

Strife giggled again and half the room winced. "I may be dead but I can still be the target of divine retribution. I swore nevah to tell anyone about it."

Ares’ scowl deepened, then disappeared. "Fine, I extend my protection over Strife in relation to this story. Anyone seeking retribution can come and see me." A smug grin spread over his face, he knew no one would willingly piss off War.

"’K," Strife said, "But I’m holdin’ ya to that."

"Get on with it," Ares said, sitting down, pouring a new goblet of wine and admiring the method Iolaus had chosen to get the wine off the crotch of Hercules’ pants.

"Huh, ‘k… It was at my first orgy…"

"Oh fuck!" Cupid groaned, dropping his head down onto the table.

Everyone stared at Cupid. "You’re Strife’s worst sex?" Hephaestus asked.

Strife snorted into his hand. "Not ‘xactly, he was um, kinda a contribin’ factor though."

Iolaus looked up, ignoring Hercules’ moaned complaint. "Is this the chicken story?"

Cupid grabbed a bottle of wine and hooked an arm around a nearby muse before sliding under the table. "No, it’s not the chicken story: it’s much, much worse."

All eyes turned to Strife. "Worse than the chicken story?" Ares asked. That must be something, I didn’t think anything could top that."

Strife waved a hand dismissively. "Nah, chickens are easy, ya just hafta use plenty a duct tape."

There was another collective wince before Strife carried on. "So anyways, like I said, it was my first orgy. I was pretty new to tha whole god stuff and sex had mostly been with ma hand or the occasional wunna Unc’s priestesses who wasn’t too choosy."

Strife sighed and sat back, gazing at the ceiling. "For tha first hour I mostly just watched an’ humped my fist, then Cupid came up ta me, tugged on wunna ma earrings and made a pass. I think his ‘xact words were ‘ooh shiny, wanna fuck?’ Uh… I kinda panicked."

"Panicked?" Ares asked, "Why?"

"Like I said, I wasn’t too ‘xperienced. The only time I’d been with annotha guy was the time I got smashed on Dio’s special and woke up with ‘Pollo. And I don’t ‘member anythin’ about what happened. I was uh…"

"…worried about being crap in bed?" Iolaus asked sympathetically before Hercules pulled his head back down.

"Yeah. I din’ know the moves an’ stuff. I mean, the God a Fuckin’ walks up and wants to nail ya… whadda ya do?"

"Saying ‘yes please’ and bending over would have been just fine." Cupid’s voice floated up from under the table.

"Uh… so anyways, I made ma ‘xcuses and bolted like a bunny. I was in a Love temple so I knew there hadta be some instruction manuals somewhere. Found this big mirrored room full a scrolls and weird kinky shit."

"Really?" Iolaus sat down on Hercules’ lap, partly to stop the now satisfied hero from sliding to the floor. "Where?"

"Don’t even think about it, Sweetcheeks," Aphrodite said, "Immortality or not, you’d fuck yourself to death inside a week."

"But what a way to go…"

Strife grinned. "Yeah… So I had a good look ‘round an’ found the scrolls on ass fuckin’. It was pretty innerestin’ and I decided I needed ta ‘xperiment a bit. There was this big rack full a carved wooden cocks covered in soft leather; an’ they all had god names too, pretty cool."

Ares turned to Aphrodite. "You didn’t?"

Aphrodite just smiled sweetly and sucked down another oyster.

"Shit! Those were accurate? Wow…" Strife’s eyes got a bit rounder. "I stripped down an’ started out with The H…" Strife looked nervously over at Hades. "…the smallest one. After a couple a hours I’d gone through eighteen scrolls an’ I’d worked my way up The Zeus. I was considerin’ whether or not The Ares was even physic’ly possible when Cupe arrived. Naked."

The sound of a wine bottle being sucked dry came from under the table and Iolaus wordlessly passed another down.

"I got kinda a shock and sorta fell over. I was at a critical stage a some stuff. Anyways I landed wrong and lost tha dildo."

Ares choked. "Lost it?"

Hercules revived enough to ask. "Lost it how, exactly?"

Iolaus snickered. "I think that happened to Jason once…"

"Oh Gods," Hercules was trying not to giggle, "Lost it like Jason?"

Strife made an upward motion with his hand. "It went straight up. Cupe, bein’ the helpful horn-dog he is, volunteered ta go get it out again."

"That’s not bad sex, that’s just an unfortunate wank," Hades said.

"I ain’t finished yet," Strife pouted.

"It gets worse?" Ares was grinning broadly, all thoughts of little green frogs driven from his mind.

"Cupe decided tha best way to get The Zeus out was ta suck it out. I was still kinda nervous, but after readin’ all about rim-jobs I wasn’t goin’ ta object. Cupe really got to work. Considerin’ I’d only discovered ma sweet spot an hour earlier I think I held up pretty well. It was a lotta fun, even with eight inches a wooden Zeus stuck up there. Problem was that all tha stress got ma nervous stomach acting up; and then after tha ‘xitement a the moment I got really relaxed…"

"Oh shit," someone said weakly.

"Yeah. I really shouldn’t have eaten all a those grapes, but the rest a the food at the orgy was bein’ used for playtime. The good news was that The Zeus came shootin’ out no problem at all. ‘Course it beaned Cupe on the head, but right about then I don’ think he was too keen on bein’ conscious anyway."

"I wish I wasn’t conscious now," Cupid grumbled, as a pouty and frustrated Muse crawled out from under the table. "That memory is still enough to kill the mood."

"Really?" Strife asked, "It’s always been wunna ma ‘cheer-the-fuck-up’ memories.

* * * *
Written by McJude

Iolaus listened as his friends, fellow immortals now, told their stories. He was having a hard time coming up with something to share. There hadn't been a lot of bad sex in his life. His life had gone from "look at me I'm having sex" to "even bad sex gets me spending money" to "I really do like sex". He didn't like to make fun of women who were a little shy, a little ugly, a bit hairy, a little old, a little worn or even a lot fat. He honestly had had good sex with men who had bald heads, pimpled faces, no muscles, pot bellies, hell, one guy was missing an arm. He didn't feel like relating stories about men who were stupid or cruel or women who lied or betrayed him. But he had to have a story in his head somewhere, what good was god-bonding if you didn't share.

"I remember one night -- in Sparta. You were with me Herc, and Jason, remember. We sat around a table like this drinking and eating chicken wings. I was totally convinced that there had to have been a bunch of Jason's friends who had joined us to eat and drink and then left without paying because the table was covered with mugs and bones. As much as I had drank, I think Herc had eaten. That was during one of his growing periods; I think I remember. . . . .

* * * * *
 

The trio had been excited to have been chosen to represent The Academy at a competition in Sparta. The Spartans were some of the toughest fighters in all Greece, and one of the teams that always gave their school a run for their money in such competitions. The three of them made an unstoppable combination; Jason's strategy and intelligence, Hercules's strength and power, and Iolaus's speed and agility would be almost impossible to match in any other three men. They were well ahead going into the final event, wrestling. They had learned that the Spartan's wrestler was a big lumbering guy, even taller than Hercules; and at the last minute Jason decided that perhaps a smaller, quicker man might be able to take him easier than one more matching him in size.

Iolaus was excited and proud about being chosen, and then he realized that at this competition the wrestling event would be held in the traditional manner, in the nude.

"I can't do it, guys. I just can't."

"What? Why?"

"I can't wrestle in the nude."

"Why not, you swim in the nude, you take baths in the nude." Hercules understood his embarrassment, he often felt the same way, but if Iolaus didn't wrestle, he would, and then he would be the one who was naked.

"You walk around the room naked all the time." Jason added.

"Have you looked at my. . . my penis lately?"

"No!" Both of his friends replied at the same time.

"Well, it seems to be growing. It is getting so big." Iolaus felt it happening right now.

"It's called a hard-on, Iolaus. Believe me, you won't get excited when you are wrestling that smelly Spartan." Jason said.

"I know that. That's not what I am talking about. Even when it is soft, it is big."

"Well, then you won't have to worry so much about getting girls pregnant. The sperm cools off traveling that long road my friend, loses its potency," Jason commented.

Hercules glanced down at his own crotch and made a questioning face. "I so do not want to be part of this discussion, Iolaus. You're not any bigger than I am. Just get naked and let us oil you so that you can be ready to fight."

"That's just the point, Herc. You're twice my size and our dicks are about the same size. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Shut up, Iolaus, and get your clothes off." Jason commanded.

Iolaus threw his clothes in a heap in the corner; Hercules gathered them together and carefully folded them while Jason began pouring a slippery and foul smelling oil Iolaus's body.

"Even if he could get a good grasp on your slippery little body, he wouldn't want to keep it for very long. This stuff really does stink." Jason commented.

"I hope it washes off. I had planned to get a little loving tonight, if you know what I mean." Iolaus commented as his friend's hands stroked his back and shoulders. "Oh shit!"

"What?" Hercules spun around, worried that his friend was injured and he would have to wrestle in the nude.

"Look. Look at my penis."

"I sure hope it's not me rubbing your shoulders that is doing this to you," Jason said. Hercules did not look.

"Nah, thought about what I wanted to do tonight and boom it popped out again. This is really embarrassing. I think of sex all the time. What if it happens while I am wrestling?"

"I've had that problem a few times, you can tie it down." Jason advised.

"My penis?"

"No, just tie the foreskin over the glans."

"Spare me the technical terms, but wouldn't I look like a fucking sausage then."

"You don't use a string stupid, you use a kynodesme, a fastening band. I'll bet the gymnasium manager can get one for us."

"Why don't they tell us this at the Academy?"

"Why am I listening to this discussion?" Hercules piped in. He had refolded Iolaus's clothes three times and they were smoother than they had ever been.

"Well, I don't think centaurs have this problem, or at least they are not embarrassed when they do." Jason commented, ignoring Hercules. I'll go check and be right back.

Iolaus stood naked in front of his friend and flexed a muscle in his arm, another muscle flexed also exposing his glans, dark against his skin. "Do you want to kiss it good-bye before Jason strangles it?" Iolaus said teasingly.

Hercules threw the vest he had so carefully folded at Iolaus. "How can you tease me like that in private and worry about being nude in public? You're a fucking tease."

"Sorry big guy, you just bring out the best in me." He mouthed a kiss. Hercules turned his back and refolded the vest again.

Jason returned with a length of soft silk ribbon and this strange device that looked like it was a small piece of leather with thorns on the side. "These are our choices. For your sake, I hope the ribbon works."

"I'll see you guys later. Got to make a trip to the bushes, if you know what I mean." Hercules was not about to stay and watch this.

Jason tried several times to get the ribbon to hold Iolaus's foreskin. They both wanted it to work. It would be inconspicuous and far less painful, but after four tries the ribbon just kept slipping off.

"I think this only works on guys who have been using it since they were children, or else you're just too jumbo sized, Iolaus." Iolaus was very grateful that despite the fact that Jason had been fondling his genitals for a good fifteen minutes he had shown no sign of arousal. That was one good thing about his friend, he rarely had sexual thoughts about Jason.

"You're not going to use that torture device on me. Try again."

"You should have seen the other choices he gave me, this one at least has soft leather over the end, they had fibulas that were made from bone and metal. This one looked gentle compared to those."

"Yea, I suppose those are the ones the Spartans use." Iolaus commented "But you've still got to stick it in my skin. On my . . ." Perhaps wrestling was a sport you could only enjoy when you were young.

"Relax Iolaus, if a few minutes some big guy is going to beating you all over your body. You'll hardly notice a few little pricks on your big one."

* * * *

"Come on Iolaus, you can do better than that." Cupid chided him. We've told you our stories, this is boring.

"Its not boring. As I said, I haven't had too much bad sex."

"Yes, but this isn't even sex." Hercules commented casually.

"You thought it was sex then, big guy. I know what you were doing out in the bushes. I can't believe I finally seduced you. You were such a prude."

"Prude, who you calling a prude. You're the one with your dick tied down."

* * * *

Strangely enough, Jason had been right about forgetting about the device. He forgot about it as he skillfully maneuvered the larger man into a series of more and more difficult holds to break. He wasn't sure if it was his speed or his smell that kept the man from coming at him as he adjusted positions. It seemed a very short time until the larger man was on his back, pinned to the floor, and Iolaus was up taking a victory lap around the arena. He hadn't even noticed it when he surveyed the crowd and noticed several very attractive young women watching him. But then, he didn't think about sex either.

He didn't think about sex when he sat in the sweat room and jumped into the tub of warm water that remove the oil and its smell. Even when Jason helped him remove the fibula from the end of his penis, he didn't look at it too closely. Jason told him that there were just four tiny scratches on his foreskin and they would heal quickly. He couldn't even feel them, but then he could barely feel his penis.

"Do you think I killed it, Jason?"

"Nah, it comes back. Give it a little time."

"But I wanted to get laid tonight."

"That I wouldn't try buddy, at least not with a girl."

"You volunteering, Jas?" Hercules was conspicuously gone again. Later he would tell them that he wanted to get to the tavern early to get a good table for the evenings activities.

* * * *

"So you let Jason fuck you. Your worst sex was with the Prince of Corinth." Hercules taunted him.

"Herc, how much later than you did we arrive at the tavern?"

"Ten or fifteen minutes, but that's about par for Jason."

Iolaus threw a gelatinous handful of ambrosia at his friend. Food fights for immortals were always fun.

"No the bad sex came later that night, after I got really drunk."

* * *

So far they had just gotten drunk, very drunk. Despite the number of mugs on the table that would have suggested that they had shared the evening with a host of friends, it had just been Jason, Hercules and Iolaus. Jason had tried to match his friend mug for mug, but after a while he knew he had to slow down. Hercules had stopped at three but continued eating the chicken wings. Iolaus showed no sign of stopping.

"I've got to go pee." Iolaus mumbled, grabbing at his crotch.

"See, it working.." Hercules commented. "It couldn't have hurt you so badly."

"No, when he says, 'I've got to go get laid,' then we know it is working." Jason said.

"Jason!" Herc scolded.

"Down the alley, to the left, you can't miss it. We're going to bed. Will leave the door unlocked for you."

Iolaus was fumbling with his pants as he got up and staggered toward the door. Hercules hoped he would not be successful in freeing his penis until he reached the outhouse, or at least until he got out of the tavern.

* * *

"I have always hated the large communal latrines in cities. They smelled so horrible. Strange men hang around and watch you while you did your business. I know there used to be a time when I used to hang around latrines taking my time, hoping one of those men would notice and offer to buy me for a few minutes. What can I say? I was young and stupid. I liked sex and needed money."

"You were a whore Iolaus?" Haphaeastis asked.

"Still am, but now I fuck for immortality." He said with a big grin.

Hercules wondered where this story was heading, and exactly how drunk his friend was tonight.

* * *

Most of the ale had worked through his system; it took a while for him to empty his bladder. It seemed like forever, when he realized that a large dark man was standing in the shadows watching him. He ran his finger over the scratches on his foreskin before tucking his dick back in his pants; they didn't seem that bad, maybe tomorrow.

"You don't have some disease do you?" The man said as he walked closer. Iolaus wondered how he could have seen the scratches from that distance, in the dim oil light.

"No, I wrestled today. I wore this fucking fibula." Why was he telling this stranger his intimate secrets?

"Did you win?"

"Yeppers. We won the whole match. My two best friends and me."

"Congratulations. I can tell you have been doing a little celebrating. Would you like me to buy you a drink."

"Oh, yah, you hang around public restrooms looking for young men to buy drinks for. Tell me another funny one."

"I was trying to be polite. I guess I should have just asked 'how much'."

"Fuck off. I don't do it for money."

"Not anymore?"

Iolaus was tempted to walk away, go back, find his friends, go to the room, and sleep; but there was something about this man that he didn't want to walk away from. He was tall and very powerful. Long dark hair and flaming black eyes. He looked a lot like Hercules's older brother Iphicles, except he was darker and stronger. Dressed in black leather. Even if he still was a whore, he might have considered doing him for free. He was that hot.

"OK, I used to . . . a long time ago. I changed. I'm at Chiron's Academy now. I've reformed." He kicked his leg with his boot.

"Does that mean you don't do it, or you just don't do it for money."

"It means I do it with girls. . . mostly."

"Mostly?" The man's smile grew larger, more interesting, as he licked his lips.

"Shit. I'm horny, and this dick isn't going to be much use with a girl for a while. I've wanted to get off ever since I've been in this town. So I guess. . ."

"I don't want you to guess. I want you to say "yes." I'll pay you if it makes you feel better."

"Nah, that will make me feel worse. I told you I don't do that anymore. Let's go someplace else. This place stinks."

"I wasn't thinking of staying here. I actually have a room, if you want to go there."

"Sure why not."

"What about your friends."

"I'll be home by the time they wake up, right?"

"If you wish."

The tall man put his arm over Iolaus's shoulder and pulled him to him. He carefully steered him down the alley and up a flight of stairs. Iolaus wasn't seeing too well. He wasn't walking too well either. One part of his body seemed to be responding, however.

* * * * *

"Honestly, Iolaus, you're losing us here." Ares said with a patience he rarely exhibited. We're supposed to tell people about our worst fuck. This doesn't seem that bad. So you're a whore, all of us except Hephaestus here know that. What happened that was so bad."

"He fucked me in the ass and I threw up."

"What." Herc gasped.

"That simple?" Cupid said.

"Nothing is ever that simple. He had this nice place, not the kind of place you take a whore. Hell, I was staying with Jason and our place wasn't as nice as this one. Rugs on the floor. Candles. Smelled clean. There I was down on all fours like a dog taking him in the ass then I puke all over."

"Tell us about the sex, Iolaus, we want details, gory details." Ares enjoyed taunting Iolaus.

* * *

Iolaus dropped quickly and tried to get his fingers to move in the proper way to undo the complicated closures on the man's leather trousers.

"Need some help? You are out of practice."

"Mostly drunk. I had trouble with my own, if you remember."

"So you did. I thought you were going to pee down your leg. How much did you drink anyway?"

"Too much."

"Good answer."

By that time Iolaus had managed to free the growing penis encased in black leather. It was bigger than his penis; it was bigger than Hercules's; it was fucking enormous! "I bet he has real trouble wrestling nude," Iolaus thought.

"Sorry, I was just looking. My friends and I seem to have a problem with overly large penises. I see you have that problem, too."

"Believe me, it's only a problem if you make it a problem. The Romans think it is a blessing."

"Remind me to visit Rome real soon."

"Are you going to talk all night or what?"

"Let's take off our clothes and get on the bed." Iolaus suggested. Some men liked it when you took the lead, "Do you want me to give you a back rub?" His clothes came off quickly. He liked being naked in private.

"Well you do have a big one for such a little guy. Maybe some day you will grow into your dick."

Iolaus laughed.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Don't know. I guess I just thought it was funny."

"You won't think it is so funny when you have my dick in your ass."

"Hopefully I will think it feels good, if you are any good at all."

"Cheeky little thing aren't you. Now down on all fours. I'll show you how good I am."

Iolaus knew from the time that he met this man in the latrine that it was not going to be a languid fuck. He hoped the man wouldn't beat him or worse. He felt pretty defenseless on the floor naked with his scraped and scratched dick hanging down. Then the man jabbed his huge dick into his ass, without stretching or lubrication. He had expected a little more preparation. Ioalus gave a little gasp, and then realized that once the man had entered him, the pain wasn't so bad. He felt himself becoming hard as his partner moved inside him. That hurt a bit, too, but subsided when his glans came free of his foreskin. He made a mental note about wrestling and fucking. Fucking was good. He could not control his orgasm and cum shot on the floor.

* * * *

"And how is that worse than the countless other men you fucked on the streets of Corinth. Oh yah, I remember, he didn't pay you." Hercules chided.

"It's not done. It gets a lot worse. Let me finish my story. I didn't interrupt you when you were talking."

"Yea, because you were getting a blow job from Dite." Herc quipped back.

The others, despite the comments they so wanted to add, kept their silence.

"He grabs my shoulder and spins me around and tells me he wants me to give him a blow-job. His dick is all covered with my slimy and . . . . and it's really huge. The last thing I want to do is suck on that . . so I look around for something to wipe it off with and he grabs my head and pulls me right on his cock.

"There was in fact little for me to do. It didn't smell or taste as bad as I thought it would. Other than stretching my throat to accommodate the man's gigantic organ, my major concerns were breathing and bracing my body as the man thrust into his mouth with firm strokes. Of course, my partner was holding the back of my head with his large hands, so I couldn't go far. I felt his fingers interweave into my hair, almost a tender feeling during which could have been a brutish act. Hot cum shot down my throat, but I swallowed it gladly. I had an image to maintain. Whore or warrior. I wasn't sure what the man wanted, so I gave him a little of both.

"I was so fucking proud of myself. I even cleaned off his dick with my tongue. It was probably cleaner than it had been for months. It should have sobered me up, but I kept feeling drunker and drunker. The room started to move. My stomach started to heave. He reached down to get me up from my feet and I threw up all over him. All over his clothes, his leather clothes. All over his nice room, all over me, too."

* * * *

"As if cum stains on the rug weren't enough." Hercules commented.

"I have no idea how I got dressed or got back to the inn. I just remember waking up that next afternoon and having Jason washing me off with a cloth and a bucket of water. I must have smelled worse than I can possible imagine."

Ares glared at him. "You have no fucking idea, do you?"

"What? I was drunk. I'm drunk now. I thought I did well to remember this much. I can't remember all the details. What else do you want to me to tell you? I could have peed on his bed, I could have shit in his boots, I could have put the fucking fibula back on and fucked him with it on. I have no idea. I just remember I felt fucking stupid, and I usually don't feel that way after sex."

Ares sidled over and put his arm around Iolaus. He broke off a small piece of ambrosia and put it in Iolaus's mouth. "Sorry buddy, it's your night and we shouldn't taunt you, but you really do have no fucking idea, right." With that he flashed one of his famous bicuspid-revealing smiles.

Iolaus grabbed on to his mug and waited for the room to stop spinning. Everyone stared at the little man and wondered what happens to a god who can't handle his ambrosia?

Ares was not about to let it go. He had Iolaus where he wanted him and was ready for a jab or two preferably below the belt.

"What did the man do to you? He had to have been really angry. Come on, curly, tell us."

"That's what is so odd. I thought he would be really mad. Hit me. Beat me. Kill me. At least make me clean it up. He just put his hand on my shoulder and gave me this jeweled goblet of clean clear water. Wait a minute. I've never remembered this before. He gave me some water and I felt clean all
over. He looked at me with his big black eyes and said . . .

"I said, 'Congratulations, Iolaus, you are now one of mine. A true warrior. I will be with you in the future, I'll be proud to have you at my side'." Ares said.

"You mean . . . no, it can't be . . that was my initiation as a warrior. It was you Ares."

"Of course it was, Iolaus. I always thought you remembered it. I didn't have too many warriors who puked on me though. You are one in a million."

The others sat silently, gods and demi-gods did not have to pledge themselves to Ares. Hercules had heard rumors about warrior initiation, but with the exception of Xena, who liked to tell her story when she got really drunk, he had never heard the details.

Iolaus looked up at Ares. "The worst I ever was, was with you." He mumbled, before his head hit the table knocking over his wineglass. The others raised their cups in a toast. He could join in later.

* * * *

"Hey Ares, now it's your turn." Strife said.

Ares waited for the traditional call of "shut up Strife" but the others joined in with the taunting. It was his turn -- he needed to tell his story. . . . .

* * * *

By MaryE
 

"Okay, Ares…it's time for you to tell all."  demanded Hades who's godly sensibilities were still smarting from the revelation that he was a tad anatomically shortchanged,  but which, Persephone assured every one, was more than made up for by his talented techniques.

Ares shot his uncle a scathing look before adopting a sad puppy dog face and whining, "But it was so traumatic." Then continuing the melodramatic act he added, "I don't think I can make it through a re-telling without some physical support and consolation."

At Ares' announcement all those present (with the exception of Hades), jumped to the god of war's side and back and front to offer comfort and whatever else they could think of as appropriate under the circumstances.  Which explains why a pile of discarded leathers and brocades, interspersed with Dite's dainties began to grow at the  base of the table.

When they'd all settled into comfortable positions for grasping and groping, Iphicles cleared his throat (literally) and begged the handsome, hunky god of war to tell his tale of woeful sex.

"Well little ones, once upon a time - about a millennia ago,  the most beautiful goddess in all the world and I were an item," Ares began with a nod and a wink to his sister who halted her attentions to Persephone's nether-parts just long enough to wink back at her handsome brother.

Ares continued  "the goddess of Luv had to have someone to practice on and  to keep her busy until her true love, Hephy, came along.  That's how Cupid came to be and all our other kids.  Dite and I,  we practiced hard at begetting.   We begat, and begat and we got real good at it. It was udderly idyllic."

"Then one day something happened…OUCH!  'Dite don't pinch!!!   Damnation!  Your nails are as sharp as daggers!  Okay…okay…something happened that was entirely my fault."

"Did she hurt you Unc," asked Strife.  "D'ya want me to kiss it and make it all better?  Ah hahahahahaha huh?"

"No Strife, Iphicles took care of it already.  Get back to business with Cupid,  and while you're at it, show everybody that thing you can do with your tongue.," commanded Ares.

"You mean like thith…and like thith,"  asked the kiss-ass godling of Strife as he demonstrated his special reaming technique on the closest tush within his reach.

"Oh yeah!  That's why I keep you around.  It would pay for you to remind me more often Strife," purred the magnificent dark god.

"Ohhaaayyy unnnn,"  was Strife's attempt at a response.

"Don't talk with your mouth full Strife, it's impolite and takes away from the enjoyment,"  said Cupid who just so happened to be who Strife was demonstrating his talents on.

"Would you get on with it Ares," demanded Iolaus who was on the verge of annoyance.  "I've come twice already since the party started and I'm gonna need a good fantasy to help  fuel my next orgasm."

"You've got it Sweetcheeks.  Just keep doing what you're doing to my half-brother over there where I can watch and we can make each other happy," replied the war god.

"Like I was saying…one day something happened, which was entirely my fault, that put a crimp in our beautiful relationship," said Ares as he guided Iphicles onto his hands and knees then dropped down behind him to make a graceful entry.

"I went to one of "Dite's temples.  I had a hard-on the size of Olympus and it wanted some TLC from my honey but she was no where to be found.  One of Sis' priestesses took pity on me and offered to help take care of my delicate condition."

'Dite snorted with contempt.  "There is nothing delicate about any part of your anatomy War boy.  Just keep to the facts."

This reprimand made Iphicles snicker which caused 'Dite to purr loudly because the royal king of Corinth had just snickered in her snatch.  Iphicles was very good at multi-tasking and strove to prove it any chance he got.

" 'Dite caught me at a very inopportune moment.  I was in corpus delubrum - if you catch my drift,"  Ares chuckled evilly as he reminisced.

"You were not in  'corpus whatever'- that was my priestess you were in!" fumed the miffed goddess.

"Riiiight," said Ares as he shook his head in mock frustration before continuing.  "You've all got to understand 'Dite's the best sex in Greece and it wouldn't do to have the goddess of love pissed at you.  You could find yourself humping frogs for all eternity.  So I would do just about anything  to make it up to her - 'cause I don't like it when my babycakes is mad at me."

"So what'd she make you do?" asked Hephy with quite some trepidation.

"She made me atone!"  wailed the god of war in an over-the-top accusing manner.

"I  HATE atoning," sympathized Iolaus who  punctuated his remark by pounding twice as hard as normal into the demigod's sweet ass, which caused the demigod to moan loudly around Hephy's hardness which caused Hephy to shout 'Dite's name as he came.

"Me too," muttered Ares.  "And just wait until I tell you how I had to atone."  All motion stopped as the participants waited on the war god's next words.

"Dite told me I could never have her again unless…" Ares dragged out the suspense just so he could feel the delectable sensations of Iphy's muscles clenching around him.

"Unless what Dad?"  urged Cupid.

"Aaahhhhhh….oh yeah…unless I slept with Medusa and all  of her sisters,"  said Ares.

"Eewwwww,"  nasty stuff huh unc?"

"You don't know the half of it.  But for love of 'Dite…I did it.  I took Medusa,  put a bag over her head and proceeded to do my penance," said Ares as he resumed his gentle glide in and out of Iphy's tight heat.

"Oh poor Ares…" sighed Hephy, who was secretly happy that he never did anything to get his wife that upset.

"Yeah, think of my reputation.  The mighty god of war reduced to fucking someone with a bag over her head,"  said Ares mournfully.

"Oh my Sweetie Ares," said 'Dite.

"He wanted me so badly that he really went ahead and fucked Medusa just so he could have another chance with me.  It was THE  most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me," cooed Aphrodite with a bossom-swelling sigh.    "He proved how sorry he was so I just couldn't let him go through with the whole thing.  That's why I stopped him before he had to go through the same torture with all Medusa's sisters (and she's got 40 or so of them)."

"So that's it?  You fucked Medusa and that was a bad thing?  I mean, with a bag over her head she's still  got that killer body,"   said Hercules as he licked the last of Hephy's offering from his lips.

"Oh gross, Herc.  I'm trying to fuck you senseless…don't be putting  those images in my mind.  I'm liable to lose my place here," complained Iolaus.

"Well she does have a nice body,"  said Hercules as he pushed back against his lover causing Iolaus to groan in satisfaction.

"Do you want to tell the rest of this story 'Dite…or do you want me to do it…cause I can think of some things I'd rather be doing with my mouth," said Ares who was now leering hungrily at Cupid.

"No Bro…it's your story.  Keep talking,  it'll stop you from drooling all over Iphy's back," giggled the blonde goddess.

"Okay…'Dite comes in while I'm finishing off with Medusa  I'm still inside her…riding to a picture perfect finish.  Then before I come…before I'm even ready to take the next sister…they all  gang up on me and start clamoring for who gets to go next.  The noise was deafening.  It almost brought the walls down.  'Dite couldn't take it.  She said they sounded like a gaggle of old hens fighting over a rooster.  Then she got this really evil look on her face and changed them all into chickens.  There I am standing there with a transformed Medusa hanging off my dick and she's got these wings now and I'm flying all over the place and 'Dite's practically on the floor laughing her titties off."

Strife and Cupid groaned, but it wasn't in ecstasy.

"So, to make a long story short…Medusa finally flies off my handle and I collapse on top of 'Dite.   It took me a couple of minutes but I finally got to see the humor in it all knowing that 'Dite would take care of me from that point on," Ares said with a smile.  Then remembering something, the war god chuckled and continued, "but there we were, stuck in that room with all those chickens. It was killing the romantic mood for us.  So 'Dite swept her hand over them and they all disappeared."

Strife and Cupid groaned again and 'Dite and Heph were laughing.

"Guess where the chickens wound up?" laughed Ares.

"Let me guess," chuckled Iolaus.  "Smack dab in the middle of an orgy with Strife and Cupid in attendance."

"Correct!  Strife was blind drunk and every time he felt feathers he thought it was Cupid so he stuck his dick in.  Problem was…every time one of the chickens got laid, so to speak, they'd change back into their Medusa-like form and Strife would pass out from shock."

Everyone had a good laugh at Ares' and Strife's expense and then they got down to serious business.

Hands caressed body parts…tongues and mouths were put to better use than telling stories.  It didn't matter who was doing what to whom except for Iolaus, who was busy focusing his entire attention on one small piece of the demigod's anatomy that was clearly labeled for his use only.

They were all beautiful, they were all hot, they were all on the edge of coming…just a little more…just a tiny little bit more and they'd all have an earth-shattering, simultaneous group orgasm of cosmic proportions…just a little more…

When the door slammed open and in popped Zeus in all his royal splendor.

"Dad!" shouted Ares one second before he came.

"Zeus!!!" shouted Hercules and the momentum of his orgasm couldn't be contained.

"Daddy!" screamed 'Dite as she rolled into ecstasy.

"Kids!" muttered Zeus as he threw up his hands in exasperation.

Assorted groans and moans of coitus interrupted ensued…except for one.  Iolaus, still pounded away in the velvety heat of his lover's sheath. And as he pounded and pumped he grabbed the demigod's hips and growled, "you will not pull away this time before I've had my chance!  Hey, Zeus!  Help us out here,"petitioned Iolaus as Hercules buried his head in his arms and groaned.  You're…um…you're older than…um dirt…so to speak.  I bet you have some great sex stories that you can tell us."

"Shhhh, my boy.  The walls have ears," said the cringing king of the gods.

"Mom's not here today, Dad.  She's in the pit visiting old Cronos," Aphrodite advised.

"Well then, I do have one story," Zeus said, which caused Hercules to groan once again, cover his ears with his fingers and hum to himself trying not to hear what his father was saying.

"It was some of the best sex I've ever had and, as Iolaus so rightfully pointed out, I've been around a long, long time.  It was about a millennia ago.  I  was standing outside this temple,  minding my own business, debating whether or not to go in and attend this orgy that Cupid had invited me to.  When all of a sudden, out of the clear blue sky there appeared this magnificent chicken…!"

Finis.

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